I can hardly say what i was thinking of, and whether in this hour of despair i was able to think at all. My mother was out of the house. I stood up, just as i was, in my school dress, and went over to your door. 我一辈子也说不清楚，我当时是怎样想的，在这绝望的时刻，我是否真正能够头脑清醒地进行思考，可是突然——我妈不在家——我站起身来，身上穿着校服，走到对面去找你。